30 Life Lessons at 30
When I turned 30, I wondered if it would feel different from my 20s. If the confidence, innate wisdom, and wealth that people promise of this new decade would materialize overnight. When I realized I would continue to struggle with questions of self-confidence, friendship evolutions, and romantic pursuits, I was let down. This wasn’t what I was promised!
However, with time, I realized there was a more subtle change. I started to understand myself well enough to start to make decisions from a place of clarity and self-assuredness. I knew what would bring me joy and what would leave me reeling. I started to choose the latter, even if it confused others. Even if I didn’t fully understand why myself.
Inspired by Alexa Chung (some things never change from decade to decade), I wanted to collate some of those painful, beautiful, and bloodied learnings that I garnered in the wonderful years of 20-29. It is a wonderful era, that is, as always - easier to understand in hindsight. So… 30 lessons by 30:
Fuck McDonalds, miso soup is a hangover godsend.
Always buy yourself an amazing birthday / Christmas present so you have one that's guaranteed to make the day feel special.
Love really isn't enough. You might need to learn this yourself. But you will come to understand, not everyone who loves you will know how to hold you.
Sparkly earrings become more important with age - they bring brightness back into the face.
Friendships will shapeshift but your true friends will always show up for you when you need them most.
The most important skill you can learn in your life, but especially your 20s is the ability to adjust to change. Life is change, people change, and you will be happier for it if you learn to accept and adapt to it accordingly.
Your body will tell you all you need to know about a relationship - anxiety and stress (low quality) vs. comfort and relaxation (high quality).
Chemistry is not compatability. A relationship that works requires chemistry, compatibility, and commitment.
Boundaries often end up feeling good or relieving, even if they are scary to set or wrapped up in guilt.
Sadness after making a decision doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision
Date a guy who's love language is acts of service - you will never feel more loved.
You can usually tell by the kiss if the rest will be good.
Don’t go further if the kiss didn’t excite you. Don't feel bad saying no.
Follow your curiosities when it comes to work and work opportunities. You'll be more successful, the more leaned in you are.
If you are feeling lost early on in your work life, that's to be expected. A helpful tool to try to unpack where you'd like to end up is the Japanese practice of Ikigai. Fill it out once a year to check back in with yourself.
Do things that really scare you as often as you can (at least once a year). As you get older, it gets easier to stay comfortable in the tried and true. But discomfort is a muscle you should flex; it makes you resilient and courage is a trait worth practicing.
Learn how to budget. Figure out much you need each month for rent and food. After that, save as much as you can to put aside to max out your TFSA and RRSP each year. Save the maximum you can within those buckets. And anything after that can be fun money.
Spend fun money on travel.
Go to lots of parties while you have the energy to dance all night. Stay out till the birds are chirping. You won’t always want to do this, but it will be nice to remember when you did.
Say yes a lot: trying new things should define your twenties. Collect experiences before you start to hone in on what you like best.
Find a physical practice that takes you out of your head and into your body. Both to clear out your precious brain space and keep your body fit. Pilates, running, dancing, climbing - it doesn't matter, as long as you enjoy it.
Good sex matters (don't let anyone tell you it doesn't) but not nearly as much as good conversations after sex.
Throw dinner parties or cook at home more than going out for food with your friends. You will have better conversations and feel more connected at the end of a night.
Figure out your 4-5 signature recipes and master them.
Once in a while, ball out on a bougie hotel while you're travelling, even (or especially) if you are travelling solo. Bonus points if it has a pool.
Enjoy singlehood - each year might be the last that you get to enjoy a bed to yourself, the ability to leave the country on a whim, or the chance to have a wild, impulsive, fleeting romance that you know will make for a good story.
Even though the world tells you often that romantic connections are pivotal to your happiness, do not make that your end destination. Live your life as if you knew you'd never meet your soulmate. Start living that way today.
Life happens on different schedules for different people. Focus on your race.
Be kind to people.
Of everyone in the world you’re kind to, be kindest to yourself. Life involves a lot of swimming upstream and it only gets harder if you’re the one trying to sink yourself.
